12-16-25
Vibrations in my vision;
Weakness, spinning;
Oh god, the familiarity;
Everything is a memory
Pre-syncope on the floor of the library,
Heart skipping, consciousness slipping,
Shaking as I regained sight
Everything is a memory,
Small and scared
Every best effort failed;
Evidence blatant, inescapable;
Nausea and panic;
Only one thought to return to
A memory,
Forgotten partially
Your blood sitting patiently,
Looking up at me,
My heart racing;
Bandaging you, taking care of you,
Hoping that I could heal a wound we couldn't see
Do you remember?
How it felt to be close to me
If I could let you
Do you remember?
The things you said to me:
Your praise, your grief, your accusations
Everything is something else:
A picture, an instinct
Laying in the center of my bed,
My body pressed into the corner;
Coaxing something out,
Something I couldn't control;
Our confusion
I remember
This life is unrecognizable;
This life is remembered
Somewhere,
Everywhere
Cold 11-24-25
Fingers: cold, as they were,
In frozen morning water,
Used to pry open a hen's beak,
Hold her head,
Administer a syringeful,
Splattered on the wall,
Fear in the demeanor of the animal who shared my name,
Cold, as they are,
Aching in mild winters,
Impenetrable by heat.
You've held my head,
Forced me to swallow our fear,
Shaking,
A familiar affect effects me now,
Branded in my scaly skin.
Warming Up (3/25)
Dead tangles of tree limbs,
White light filtered through,
Dry air scratching soft skin,
Winter's ending soon
Aching cold extremeties;
Purple, clammy, gnarled;
A loitering stink of vomit,
Too familiar to be harrowed
Dust settled on old shelves,
Black-out curtains opened,
Death card drawn reversed;
I'll turn it over, so I'm hoping
Poem for a painting (3/25)
Highly reactive and volatile,
Much like lithium,
Rubbing salt in my wounds
The smell is so close to the memory:
Brown dried blood,
Butyric acid and watermelon,
Isopropyl alcohol,
Hand soap,
Smoke
I've looked you in the eyes
And you've watched mine fade,
Dilated and draining out,
Filled with the dark
I didn't know that morning after,
But now I've learned,
Lithium fires can't be starved out.